My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
