Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
