when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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