Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
