getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
