I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
