I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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