there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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