this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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