He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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