So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
