I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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