I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
