Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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