I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
