Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
