i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We named our party play list daddy issues
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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