whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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