i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
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your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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