Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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