True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
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Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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