if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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