I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
