Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
