He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
