i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
