She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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