i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
