I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
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Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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