I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
