i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
