Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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