You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
