I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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