i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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