I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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