I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
