question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
