so that wasnt chicken after all
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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