Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
