it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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