so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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