I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
