Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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