Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
