just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
