mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
