Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
MIDGETS
????
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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