Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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