the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize