He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
