i can't believe i had my finger in that
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
