I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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