I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
