did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
