The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
