Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
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but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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