Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
