giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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