How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
